BALTIMORE — Fresh off a recent trip from Europe, local gamer Morgan Jones dropped in on a Discord voice chat Friday night only to infuriate everyone by repeatedly referring to the X button of their controller as the “cross button.”
“Ah, sorry if I’m confusing anybody. I’m used to calling it the cross button now, as they do in the PAL regions,” said Jones, apologizing. “They even call the newest Microsoft console the ‘Crossbox Series Cross’ — doesn’t it just sound so much more cultured? And did you know this game is actually called Marvin Pram: Tandem Sprint in Europe? I keep calling it that by accident! But frankly, I think lowbrow Americans just bastardize everything about gaming culture.”
Jones’ friends reportedly found the situation incredibly frustrating.
“I barely got a word in edgewise before Morgan’s prolonged complaint that their local Walgreens didn’t carry Mountain Dew ‘Primrose Hill’, a red-hued soda available in the U.K.,” said Jones’ friend Johnny Radsmith. “Not to mention the exhausting anecdote about how they spent an airport layover watching Dragon Ball Zed on their phone. I don’t know how many times I heard the words Dragon Ball Zed over the past 20 minutes.”
According to Jones, Europe treats gaming as far less taboo than it’s considered in the United States.
“European families actually encourage young children to have wine with their Fortnite matches. I want to travel more and see what life is like in the rest of the PEGI countries. Not to mention Australia. Over there, all of the y-axises are already inverted! So fascinating!”
