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New Fortnite Trailer Just Hypnotic Spiral Telling Children to Buy $30 Worth of V-Bucks

CARY, N.C. — Epic Games released a new trailer for Chapter 4 Season 3 that some say was just a hypnotic spiral telling children to purchase $30 worth of v-bucks.

“I don’t understand why people are talking about battle-passes and Transformers and stuff like that. All I saw was a black and white spiral and voice telling me over and over again to purchase v-bucks,” said gamer Alfred Patton, who admitted to having impaired vision, causing him to not be able to fully watch the trailer. “I think Fortnite is boring, so I’m not really that interested in the new chapter, but that trailer was really weird. And even weirder is the bit everyone seems to be doing online where they claim the trailer had more to it than just the black and white spiral.”

Despite criticism from those like Patton, many young fans of the game are excited about the upcoming chapter.

“Yoooo that trailer was so sick!” said 13-year-old Fortnite fan Nadia Knapp. “I can’t wait to try out all the new stuff in it. I also would like to purchase $30 worth of v-bucks in Fortnite, dad. I would like to purchase the new battle-pass in Fortnite, mom. I would like to purchase the Optimus Prime skin in Fortnite, dad. I would like to purchase the new emotes in Fortnite, mom. Huh? Sorry, I blacked out for a second. What was I saying? Oh yeah, dude, the new chapter looks so awesome!”

According to developers at Epic Games, the team is planning for even more exciting new features down the line.

“You are getting verrrrry sleepy,” said Casper Finley, a marketing specialist working on Fortnite. “Close your eyes…. You know all about Fortnite. You love to grind rails. You love Mega City. You love to thank the bus driver. When I count backwards from 10, I’m going to snap my fingers. You’re going to open your eyes, calmly go to the Epic Game Store, update your copy of Fortnite, and purchase $30 worth of v-bucks to buy skins, emotes, and wraps. 10….9….8….7….6….5….4….3…2…1.”

I would like to purchase $30 worth of v-bucks.

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