LOS ANGELES — A Hollywood director is reportedly excited to bring critically-acclaimed video game Prisoners to the big screen in a way that’s not for dumb little babies, according to those familiar with the situation.
“Prisoners is such a terrific game that so many people loved — it won Game of the Year in 2019 and was hailed by many as the first of its kind to truly be considered art. And that’s why I’m excited to make it into something that adults can enjoy,” explained director Ronald Turner. “It’s a really exciting time for video games! Prisoners is great, and it expertly explores the complex issues surrounding the United States justice system, but because it’s just a bunch of pixels on a screen, it could only ever truly be understood by pimply childish nerds. Now that the characters of the game are going to be portrayed by actual human actors, it’s the kind of pixels on the same screen that grown-ups will appreciate.”
“We’re really excited to see what we can do with the story too,” Turner said. “I haven’t played the game, but I’ve been briefed on its characters, plot, and themes, and I’m excited to force them into a script I wrote for a slightly similar movie I’ve been trying to get made for ten years.”
Longtime Prisoners fans are gearing up for the film’s release in 2024.
“Time and time again, I’ve gotten really excited about an adaptation of something I love, only to discover that the person doing the adaptation didn’t actually really get what made the original property good, and was just looking for an easy IP to attach themselves to,” said gamer Siena Wong. “But I’m really excited for Prisoners! I think the movie is gonna be super faithful.”
“I’ve put something like 500 hours into Prisoners and I expect every inch of this movie to be identical to the game,” said fan Addie Levine. “To me, movie and television adaptations are about taking the source material and perfectly recreating it in a new medium with surgical precision. Anything less than that, and I pull out the online harassment.”
At press time, Turner revealed that, in an attempt to keep the movie PG-13 to increase its potential box office draw, he would be removing much of the violence of the original story.