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Dynasty Warriors Movie Casts First 4,000 People

LOS ANGELES — Following an internal announcement that the casting department had reached the important milestone sooner than expected, sources say that the adaptation of popular video game franchise Dynasty Warriors has hit the ground running, already hiring the first 4,000 people who will need to fill the movie’s many sprawling crowd shots.

“We’re overjoyed to share with fans that the still-untitled Dynasty Warriors film that was announced last fall is already deep into production, with over nine million actors still auditioning for uncast roles,” said Sony Pictures in a statement released Friday along with a 4,000 headshot slideshow introducing the still-growing cast. “Bringing this franchise onto the screen has been logistically challenging, but we’re prepared to start filming within a few decades, once we’ve settled on our leading cast of four hundred.” 

Actor Cheng Xian, 27, was recently cast to play Anonymous Warrior #3721, a character who plays a pivotal role pointlessly accosting one of the dozens of tertiary main characters with a poleax before being kicked in the head by a horse.

“As an actor, it’s a dream come true to work on a project as large as this,” says Xian, who has been replaying Dynasty Warriors to better understand the headspace of one of the game’s minor characters. “As a gamer, it’s a dream come true to bring the endless parade of mass violence and disrespect for the human form that Dynasty Warriors is known for to a wider audience. However, as a human being, it’s absolutely terrifying to be around so many people during a pandemic. Statistically, in a group this large at least a few hundred of us will die from preventable illness.” 

Studio leaks and hints stitched together by fans since the announcement have led to anticipation of a higher profile casting announcement in the coming weeks, based on speculation that popular character Lu Bu’s hair might be portrayed by motion capture pioneer Andy Serkis.

“I’m not saying yes, and I’m not saying no. If it happens, I promise I will bring to the role the unique artistic commitment that I always bring to any role,” says Serkis, recently returned from an Emmy-winning stint playing a bloodhound in Peaky Blinders. “I also always promise to bring a keen respect for the subject matter, the ability to crouch and crawl around like a goblin, and a prohibitively expensive motion capture suit that I keep forgetting to wash.”

As of press time, talks were already underway for a sequel, provided enough humans to round out the cast still exist on the planet by the time production is slated to begin in 2034.