PICTURE CITY — A heavily intoxicated Rayman was arrested outside a bar after aggressively disrupting restaurant patrons with stories of how he and the Rabbids go way back, sources confirm.
“He just kept going on and on about these Minions or whatever. It was a busy afternoon so I couldn’t really pay much attention,” said the bartender working at the time of the incident. “We had that video game conference on one of the TVs. Once Nintendo made some announcement, this dude immediately got belligerent. He started running around the restaurant while our bouncer chased after him. I never saw someone move like that. Oddly enough, his evasive maneuvers were almost in rhythm to the song Black Betty which had been playing over the speakers.”
When news first broke, those close to Rayman came forward to speak on the matter.
“These past few years have been very difficult for Ray and he’s been on edge lately,” said best friend and giant blue frog-thing, Globox. “He’s been rumored to join the Smash Bros. roster for a while now, but the letter still hasn’t come. I’m not sure it ever will. He’s right, you know, about the Rabbids getting their start with him. It’s upsetting that the media still tries to paint Rayman as the villain especially considering the Rabbids were that game’s actual villains from the start. But now I guess no one cares because they’re friends with that Mario piece of shit.”
Rabbid Peach expressed her thoughts on the matter in a Twitter thread.
“BWAAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!!!!! BWAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHH!!!! BWAAAAAAAGHH BWAAAAAAAAGHHH BWAAAAAAAAGH BWAGH!!! BWAGH BWAGH BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (1/?)”
At press time, Mario declined a request to be interviewed, having only replied, “I don’t know who that is.”
