LEAWOOD, Kan. — An irresponsible doctor reportedly wrote local man Dave LaRoix a prescription for a large health pack, even though a physical exam found LaRoix was at 98 HP, with depleted armor and minor chip damage.
“Don’t get me wrong, I trust my doctor to make smart healthcare decisions on my behalf,” said LaRoix, whose 198% over-heal had yet to wear off at press time. “But maybe this is overkill? I could have just called out of work for a few days and waited for it to replenish. And, like, there was a guy softly pulsing red in the waiting room who seemed like they needed it way more. Can’t ever be too healthy, though, right?”
The doctor’s office defended its practices, touting its high standards of care even for clients that appear in near-perfect health.
“Whether you’re ‘one’ or just ‘lit,’ we take pride in ensuring that you leave our clinic feeling not just healthy, but unnecessarily healthy,” LaRoix’s physician Dr. Paige Howery said. “There’s no firm evidence that large health packs are habit-forming, and even if they were, we’re prepared to meet that need head-on with even larger health packs.”
Dr. Howery has a reputation for over-the-top responses to minor bumps, scratches, and debuffs, other patients reported.
“She brought me to a big spinning medkit, and I told her my health was already full, but sure, I’d pick it up if she insisted,” said another former patient. “Turns out it gets consumed anyway, even if it does nothing, so that was a fun extra line item on my bill. Guess the place has to make money somehow, since she couldn’t see any other patients until the pickup respawned.”
Upon discovering that LaRoix’s health insurance wouldn’t cover him, the clinic’s billing department cancelled his refills and sent him home with a complimentary bonus ammo mag.
