CHICAGO — In some heartwarming news, a gamer suffering from another bout of depression is finally ready to get help. Sources confirmed gamer Chris Topher isn’t going to let depression win and he’s finally ready to do what he’s been putting off: his 20th playthrough of Dark Souls.
“Life is really hard but Dark Souls is harder so I know that none of my personal problems will mean anything once I’m being killed by the Asylum Demon,” said Topher, in between swigs of Gamer Fuel. “Nothing fills the empty void inside me quite like overcoming this game. A lot of people see therapists or they take meds to help them feel better but that’s for wimps who could never git good. Dark Souls is all I need.”
Topher claims that overcoming the challenge of Dark Souls helps him in ways therapy never could.
“I’ve had depression for years, but Dark Souls is always there to help me pick up the pieces. What Dark Souls has over something like therapy is the uniqueness of each playthrough, there’s only one way to talk to a shrink but there are so many different builds in Dark Souls. I always plan out unique builds for each playthrough to keep the game fresh each time. I’m thinking Crestfallen Warrior this time.”
Topher’s friends and family are mixed on whether Dark Souls is enough.
“I think at this point he needs to start considering real help,” said his friend Jules. “I mean this will be his 20th playthrough and he’s never even used a different build. It’s always the Giant Dad build. He spends hours planning different ones but he always reverts to Giant Dad. It’s hard to watch sometimes.”
“Depression isn’t real, everyone gets sad, so I’m very happy my baby found a way to not bother everyone about his fake problems,” claimed his boomer mother Christine.
At press time, Topher reported that he is ready to get a new lease on life, telling reporters outside his bedroom, “Nothing makes me stop and smell the roses more than the constant death and despair of Dark Souls.”
