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COVID-19 Gears Up for Another Double-XP Weekend

ATLANTA — Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have confirmed that the COVID-19 virus is gearing up for yet another Double-XP Weekend, this time Thanksgiving-themed.

“The first few times COVID-19 experienced a Double-XP Weekend, it made good use of it. This is a very frightening time for anyone on the ladder,” explained CDC scientist Maria Keyes. “COVID-19 isn’t just racking up gold to buy some new skin. COVID is going through the ranks. It’s getting all the upgrades. It’s unlocking the weapons that it did not previously have access to. It is gaining access to maps and players it previously was gated from entering.”

Despite warnings, however, many players across the United States have ignored COVID-19’s advance.

“Yeah, maybe that matters if you’re MLG or whatever, but we’re just a casual family doing our thing! It’s very sad to hear about in the news, but it just doesn’t really apply to us, considering our level of play,” said Wisconsin resident Stephen Strickland. “We’re just going to stick to our little custom lobby, and have our family Thanksgiving. Strict cap of 7 people. Plus boyfriends and girlfriends and such, so maybe closer to 10. And then, of course, if anyone brings a friend, we’ll cap the lobby at an even 20.”

As of press time, enough people nationwide had joined the [COVD] clan that the novel coronavirus became eligible for a Triple-XP Weekend.

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