SKYRIM — A body discovered by a wandering adventurer contained nothing of value that could be of use in any quests, but probably still would have been a really good hang, if they were alive.
“He wasn’t wearing any armor I could take, but he was wearing this really funny shirt that we could have made good conversation about,” said the wistful adventurer after searching every square inch of the rotting corpse. “He seemed like he was really chill. Right next to his body was a broken beer bottle that I’m sure he was sipping on.”
The body in question was already in a rough condition before passing away, as indicated by his arm cast that also happened to be covered in the many signatures of people who enjoyed his company. Close friends still mourn his loss.
“He was a frugal person, never carried anything, but he was the kind of guy to give you the shirt off his back in a pinch,” said a source close to the deceased. “Unfortunately, that didn’t leave too much to grab while rummaging through his desecrated corpse. Unless you want the shirt he died in, of course, which is very funny and cool.”
Family members of the deceased have come forward in the wake of the discovery by the lone wanderer.
“I understand how an adventurer would feel. He didn’t leave any items or loot for his own family in his will. But it was because he gave all his trinkets and bottle caps to charity while he was alive, so it was tough to be mad about it,” said his sister. “Really good dude.”
The wandering adventurer was later seen wearing a funny shirt and collecting health supplies from various gravesites nearby.
