SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Activision Blizzard Inc. announced that it is bumping the release date of the next installment of the Call of Duty franchise, citing concerns that its planned release date would clash with the debut of hotly anticipated international conflict, World War 3.
“Nobody wants to play the next Call of Duty more than I do,” said Activision spokesman, Nevin Choma. “But if we want our game to be successful, it only makes sense to launch it at a time when a majority of our player base won’t be distracted by the release of our direct competitor, Verizon’s Skyward Drone Piloting Software. Based on the demo alone, gamers are going to have their hands full with that one, and not just because it’s mandatory. Besides, we need to see what the U.S. does in this Ukraine situation so we can have them fight against a fictional country doing that in our next game.”
According to those familiar with the situation, last year’s Call of Duty: Vanguard failed to meet Activision’s expectations after a large portion of the game’s fanbase died as a result of COVID-19, which the company cites as a “bummer.” Activision’s plan is now reportedly to delay the game to avoid disappointing sales that might accompany a launch during a potential nuclear war.
“Once the dust settles and the Chinese have global control, Call of Duty will have its time in the spotlight,” said Choma. “On a positive note, this extended production cycle will help us avoid crunch and provide the kind of trustworthy, satisfying experience that both our customers and our employees expect when they hear the name, Activision Blizzard.”
As Russia invades Ukraine, fascism rises globally, and violent conspiracy theorists amass around government buildings, gamers have but one question on their minds: what am I going to play this fall? Thankfully, Microsoft has announced, in lieu of a new Call of Duty, that it will be adding Russian Roulette to its catalog on Xbox Game Pass, complete with a free gun and single bullet to premium subscribers.