SEATTLE — After completing a highly-anticipated open-world game that she had been looking forward to for years, Willa Shamloo was disappointed to find that the boring piece of shit had nothing new to offer her after dedicating upwards of 300 hours of gameplay into it.
“The first 200 hours were pretty good I guess,” said Shamloo. “But after sinking in 300 hours, it was like, okay what else is there to even do? I’ve completed the main story, done all of the side quests, upgraded all of my gear, and now I’m sitting here with nothing else to look forward to in my life. What’s up with that?”
Shamloo said that she still held hope that upcoming downloadable content would be able to further occupy her time.
“There’s DLC coming out in a few months, I should be able to wring at least a few dozen hours out of that,” explained Shamloo. “But then I imagine I’ll be right back where I am again, bored to tears by how dull and empty everything is. The game I mean, not my life.”
Developers of the game put out a statement responding to fan backlash that there was a noticeable lack of content available after hitting the several hundred hour mark.
“We hear you loud and clear, and this is not okay,” read an apology screenshot on twitter. “A game should not ship out in this state. Games are meant to be enjoyed for an endless amount of hours, infinitely, and should always occupy the playerbase’s attention no matter what else might be going on in their lives. We’re sorry, and we will do better.”
At press time, Shamloo was busy mindlessly farming materials and running endless dead-end sidequests trying to max out her stats in her personal life.
