MENLO PARK, Calif. — Former Activision Blizzard CEO claimed that a lawsuit filed against the company by the state of California was a conspiracy organized by disgruntled employees to attain restitution for acts of discrimination and harassment.
“You look at these fake lawsuits against companies like us and Riot, and it’s wild,” said Kotick during an interview on Grift, a podcast produced by venture capital firm Kleiner Gurkens. “These wagies conspired against us in an unjust effort to stop us from not only extracting their labor, but demeaning them while doing so. It is the natural right of the tech executive and his court to treat his workforce as subhuman and grind them into dust. What compensation could we possibly owe them?”
Former EA executive Bing Gordon also appeared on the podcast and broadly agreed with Kotick.
“What these gray little peons don’t understand is that we who have been chosen to rule live under an immense burden,” said Gordon. “Sure, we may appear comfortable as we sit our cushioned throne surrounded by unimaginable riches, but the slime-covered slugs we call employees can’t see that there is a sword hung above our head suspended by a thread of barest gossamer: a sword inscribed with the words, ‘Possibly Not Making Even More Money.’ Under such conditions, you must forgive us the occasional aggressive sexual proposition or death threat. It’s not like your bodies or lives actually mean something the way ours do.”
Industry insiders noted that these reactions were common among wealthy tech investors and executives.
“You have to understand, they’ve been saying these things privately for years,” said Bryce Tang, who has written four separate biographies of Elon Musk. “They just thought they couldn’t say it all publicly or they wouldn’t be invited to cool parties. The advent of the second Trump administration made them all realize they could do or say whatever the hell they want, now. And it’s not just gaming execs. It’s Bezos, Zuckerberg, hell, even that weenie Steve Huffman from Reddit. They’re very small, pathetic men, and all they do all day is sit around and imagine that they’re actually impressive people and that any criticism of them is unfair. I’m sure Kotick has convinced himself that this lawsuit actually is bullshit.”
At press time, Kotick claimed that his name only appeared in Epstein’s black book due to a, “legitimate invocation of prima nocta.”
