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USB Desk Fan Perfectly Cools USB Port Used To Power It

NEW YORK — A USB-powered desk fan recently purchased by office worker Alejandro Peña is perfectly cooling the USB port used to use it, multiple tech insiders report.

“I’m extremely impressed with this little fan’s ability to really bring down the temperature of the way I power it,” says Peña, whose ongoing struggle to cool his work area continues to make international news. “What happened was the last fan I had was overheating, so I had to get a second fan to point at that one, which had to be powered by USB, which then started overheating. I was tearing my hair out, ordering experimental Soviet-era black market fans from overseas, draining my savings. Long story short I ended up getting a visit from Homeland Security.”

The U.S Department of Homeland Security, reached for comment, pointed to previous comments on the matter by spokeswoman Lydia Howell.

“I can confirm that the Department has historically been concerned with any individual or business that makes repeated purchases of specific mechanical and technological items, no matter how mind-bogglingly stupid the purpose,” she said. “Plus we have, like, a gazillion dollar budget, and that money isn’t gonna spend itself.”

Professor Angela McDowell, Chair of Mechanical Engineering at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, argued that, while Mr. Peña’s new fan would likely continue to provide self-sustaining cooling for some time, the industry writ large remains in the embryonic stage.

“Consumer-grade desktop air systems have advanced in many areas,” she said. “But Fan Science as a whole has a way to go before we can hope to cool things beyond that which powers them. For instance, I’m conducting a $300 million study of those little hand fans people use at sporting events to cool them down when they’re tired from holding the fan. We really want to dig down into the science and ask: What if fan, but more?”

As of press time, Peña was seen purchasing three refrigerators of increasingly large size.