NEW YORK — Informing readers that it was one of the sole means for a digital publication to generate revenue, a report released Sunday indicated that Hard Drive doesn’t make any money if you don’t click the fucking link, but it certainly doesn’t make any money if you prove that point by posting The Onion’s version of this article in our comments in response to people saying they don’t like to click Hard Drive articles.
“According to our findings, most readers seem to think that all of internet satire is under one big satire umbrella,” the read in part, explaining that telling people to click on an article under the url theonion.com doesn’t bring a single fucking cent to the writers who work under the url hard-drive.net. “If you enjoy and engage with Hard Drive’s content at all, and want to continue enjoying and engaging with it for the foreseeable future, then you should consider clicking the fucking link, which by the way, is filled with even more similar jokes for absolutely no cost at all.”
Despite the finding, however, some experts have pushed back against the report.
“While it’s true that Hard Drive receives not a single dollar from people commenting an article from The Onion in response to those saying they don’t read past Hard Drive’s headlines, this report is completely ignoring a very significant amount of context,” said satirical analyst Dr. Anabia Wong. “Despite the fact that Hard Drive’s entire existence is owed to the decades of popularity The Onion enjoyed before its editors knew how to read, Hard Drive currently gives no money to The Onion. Hard Drive is merely driving along the highway that The Onion paved. As someone who has somehow dedicated her life to studying satire, I believe that these publications should function more like professional sports teams or mob bosses; Hard Drive should have to kick back a percent to The Onion merely for existing.”
At press time, sources added that, in all likelihood, all this article would do is convince more people to snarkily post The Onion’s article under Hard Drive’s posts every now and again.
