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Elon Musk Renames Twitter After Relationship With His Wife

SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk announced today that he is renaming social media site Twitter “X,” a reference to the status of his relationship with singer Claire “Grimes” Boucher.

“I’ve always believed in grand gestures. I think Grimes will really appreciate that I’ve renamed my prized jewel after her and then she’ll see I’ve loved her all along,” Musk reportedly told one of the 15 or so employees left at the company. “And then the real work begins: popping out as many weirdly-named babies as we can to take control of the post-apocalyptic landscape with le most epic army of memelords of all time!”

Fans of Musk were quick to commend the tech CEO in the replies of his announcement, while those disagreeing with the decision were nowhere to be seen, likely due to the fact that they aren’t paying the social media site a monthly fee for more visibility.

“He’s done it again! Elon Musk is a true super genius,” said one blue check user. “Twitter is my second love after my own wife — but seeing how well Elon has done after commandeering this ship, I’d certainly let him have my beautiful Irene as well! Elon, please DM me if you’d like to have sex with my wife too and fill her up with your incredible seed.”

“Great job with this launch, sir,” said another blue check user. “I really hope there’s an option on the new X to have AI automatically write all our posts. That will really make the website easier to use for some of us who have been having to go into Chat-GPT, send it a prompt, and then copy and paste it back over. If I tried to write one of these myself, I’d think I’d [the comment had a ‘read more’ button here, but we elected not to click it.]”

When asked to comment, Grimes sent us a photo of a tattoo across her leg that she said was a statement on the matter, written in an “alien language.”

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