SAN ANTONIO — After clicking on a video titled ‘The Bizarre Anarchist History Behind Veggie Tales,’ Marie Ortiz was shocked to find out that the four minute YouTube video she had been watching was only halfway over.
“Christ, this is unbelievable,” said Ortiz as she tapped her phone, showing that the playhead was only halfway across the screen. “I was only kind of paying attention to this thing and just wanted to zone out for a bit after work. My friend sent me this and I clicked on it to be nice, but now I’m honestly kind of upset at them for putting me through the four-minute mental equivalent of water torture.”
Ortiz reportedly stopped the video to check her social media, and returned to complete it.
“God, I’m only making this worse and delaying the inevitable,” said Ortiz. “My mind wanders, I look at something else, and come back to it out of some strange obligation. Now it’s only at three minutes and ten seconds! I could have been done with this thing by now if I just buckled down and finished it, but here goes nothing.”
Ortiz’s friend, Nicole Ackermann, checked in with her to inquire about her thoughts on the video.
“So what did you think?” read a follow-up text message from Ackermann. “I know this is random, but it just came up on my recommended videos. I always thought that Veggie Tales was a super Christian cartoon, but apparently it wasn’t always that way? And it had socialist roots and propaganda? Until their funders told them to change it?? Who knew!”
At press time, Ortiz was waiting for an ad roll to finish so she could watch the last five seconds of the video.
