GOTHAM CITY — Billionaire Bruce Wayne spoke out against a social media account dedicated to tracking and publicizing the location of the grappling hooks used by local hero, Batman.
“It’s an enormous privacy risk,” said Wayne, who kept glancing up at the sky throughout his statement. “Sure, we all want to track down this dangerous vigilante, but what’s next? Your car reporting you when you go over the speed limit after a rocket boost? Facial recognition technology that can tell who you are even if you’re wearing a mask? Your Alexa recording every time you hit three specific keys on your piano, opening a secret passageway to your underground lair? It’s madness.”
Daily Planet reporter Clark Kent spoke on the matter during an interview on CNN.
“I laud the investigative mind of the young man who created the account, but it’s really not a useful project,” said Kent. “Sure, Batman’s grappling hooks use CFC gasses, which are harmful to the ozone layer. But, ultimately, the problem doesn’t lie with individuals. It’s corporations and governments that have the largest impact on the environment. That’s where we should turn our attention.”
Edward Nygma, the college student who created the account, defended his motivations in a Twitter Space.
“I started doing this because I found it to be an interesting programming project. Kind of like a puzzle,” said Nygma. “Sure, I was kind of hoping that it would get someone like Bruce Wayne’s attention, so that I could pitch them my idea for a machine that interfaces directly with your brain, but I didn’t anticipate this reaction. If I’m being honest, this pushback is kind of making me obsessed with tracking Batman. I might take it up full time.”
At press time, Bruce Wayne announced that he was calling on Congress to introduce legislation that would end federal regulations requiring masked heroes to register all gadgets with the federal government.
