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Woman Only Buys Ancient Wizard Robe of Infinite Power Because It Has Pocket Dimensions

THE MIDDLE REALM — A local woman has saved up enough rupees to purchase the legendary Robe of Infinite Power, but only because it has pocket dimensions, bewildered sources have confirmed. 

“She came down from the mountain and purchased the robe, just as the prophecy foretold,” said Ligganswerm the Shopkeeper. “But when I asked if she knew the path to the Dark Lord Malbath’s castle, she said she wasn’t really worried about it and just started putting stuff from her purse into her pockets. We aren’t going to be saved from The Reckoning after all, are we?” 

The woman, who was initially presumed to be the town’s savior, insisted she was just trying to leave the house without a bag once in a while. 

“Sorry to get everyone’s hopes up,” she said. “But now you know how I feel every time I think I buy pants with a pocket in them only to find out they’re sewn shut for some reason? What can I say, life is unfair. This robe is sick, though. Great pocket dimensions. Sorry to hear about your Dark Lord problems. That really sucks for everybody.” 

As of press time, the Dark Lord Malbeth’s minions had entered the town’s outskirts, and the woman had discovered that there was even a little pocket dimension on the inside of the robe.

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