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Review: This Loaded Gun Pressed Against My Temple Is a Flawed 9/10

Like many, I have lived every day of my life with the hopes that no one will ever stick a loaded handgun to my head, threatening to pull the trigger if I don’t review the experience with a number out of 10. And yet, here I sit at my laptop forced to perform that very task. Well, despite the various flaws that come with having a gun pointed to my head, potentially seconds away from violently ending my life and destroying those of my loved ones, I have to say the experience was really cool and I’m going to give it a 9/10.

From the cold steel pressed against my skin to the truly terrifying notion that I could die in one of the most horrifying ways imaginable, having a loaded gun pressed to my temple is by no means a great time. Time has slowed down for me as I contemplate every moment of my life from good to bad, taking in all the paths I went down to bring me to this treacherous place. If I survive this experience, which I very possibly may not, considering I can see my assailant’s finger slide towards the trigger of his gun, it will likely be something I reckon with for the rest of my life. Years of therapy from the PTSD I gain from these few minutes will last until I die, and it feels like I may never be able to form a healthy relationship again.

That being said, it kind of feels like being in a movie. What can I say? That’s really cool.

Now I understand that some people think I shouldn’t be talking about this at all. But as critics, our job is to answer the question of whether or not we find having a loaded gun pressed to our temples fun to experience and why. Whether or not we could die is obviously a very important question. So just as in virtually all cases, we’re choosing to expose and address the fact that I could have my brains blown out at any moment. We’re doing it here and we did it with Elden Ring as well, for example. (That one was a lot easier, because playing Elden Ring had no chance of killing me).

A lot of fans aren’t going to like having a handgun threatening to take their lives, and there’s no reason to fault them for it. And to be clear, there’s no way I’m saying that it’s a full experience; having an unknown person, shrouded in darkness and mystery, threatening to take your life is not going to be for everyone, and it certainly does not come without its flaws. For me, however, I just think it’s great. And for that reason, I have to give a 9/10, implying that it is nearly perfect. That’s just me.

But hey, whether you love having a gun pointed to your head pleading for your life or you hate it, at the end of the day, at least you don’t have to sit through playing 100 hours of Hogwarts Legacy.

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