WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump recommended Americans inject hit 2004 anime Bleach into their veins in order to prevent the spread of COVID-19, according to frustrated sources.
“Let me be absolutely clear: the President’s recommendation will not have any effect on the coronavirus. It will, in fact, kill you. Bleach sucks shit,” said CDC Director Robert R. Redfield. “I mean maybe — maybe — it would help a little bit if it was one of the GOOD arcs of Bleach, like Soul Society. But Trump wants people to inject The Thousand Year Blood War into their bodies?! Frankly, this is embarrassing on a global level.”
After widespread criticism from the scientific community, President Trump clarified that his comments were meant to be sarcastic.
“The lying media loves to twist my words and make me look like a fool,” President Trump said. “I never said that people should inject Bleach into their veins. I never did, folks! What I said is that they should inject Green Green into their veins. Now that’s a great anime. Terrific anime, one of the best.”
At press time, presumptive Democratic candidate for president Joe Biden tweeted, “The coronavirus is no joke. President Donald Trump must take it seriously and not tell people to inject themselves with one of those Chinese cartoons.”
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