ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is reportedly struggling to find a name for a new hyper-contagious strain of COVID-19 so that Americans can rearrange its letters to form the phrase “media mind control now.”
“This is like my own personal game of Wordle,” said CDC Director Rochelle Walensky. “We got C,O,I,D, in there already, so that’s good. But that’s only a handful of letters, so we need a really long name in order to get all the way there. And what happens to the V? Maybe people can flip it upside down to form part of the M or something? It’s hard work, to say the least, but we are working around the clock to make sure that we have a proper response to the pandemic — and by that, we mean building up the fun ARG for Americans to play with the different strains because that’s literally all we’re ever going to do to fight this thing. Wear a mask!”
Fans of the word-game associated with COVID-19 have grown impatient about the release of the new variant.
“My family and I had such a blast messing around with the Omicron letters, but that was all the way back in January. When are we going to get this new strain name going?! The CDC is really sitting on their asses here!” said Olivia Grace, 47, an actuary in South Carolina. “We really need to stop having the corrupt government handle this pandemic, and open everything back up so that small businesses can be the ones who lead the way on naming things such that they spell out creepy phrases after rearranging the letters.”
At press time, hundreds of thousands of people across the world had already contracted the unnamed variant.