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This New Remote Control Doesn’t Make Any Sense (Guest Review by Your Dad)

If you’re anything like me, you’ve used the same remote control for your TV for the last 15 years. Back then, they knew how to make a clicker that was easy to use: you just told your kid to get it set up for you, then after a few hours, it worked like magic. Nothing lasts forever, though, and now half the damn buttons don’t work and it keeps resetting itself  or something. Relatable, right?

My son told me that the manufacturer doesn’t make my remote anymore. I asked him why they would do that and he just said he didn’t know. So much for being our resident computer expert, I guess. Instead, he just got me this new clicker that he claims can do all the same stuff, even if it works a little differently than the old one.

Well, the supposed “solution” to my problem is a dud. There used to be a button on my old remote that just said “Watch TV.” If you pressed it, it did exactly that. Same with the “Watch Movie” button. Then, when you were done, there was just one off button you pressed to shut the whole thing down. Sure, sometimes it got a little screwy, but I could just call my kid and have him come over and fix it. After all, it was probably something he did that messed everything up to begin with.

But this new one doesn’t work at all! It’s got about eighteen million buttons, but you never know what any of them are gonna do. You’ve got to use a little wheel and look at a tiny screen to put it into the right mode, then you click a button. No human being could possibly remember it all. I wrote it all down, but my kid must have moved the paper on me when he came over for dinner the other night.

At this very moment, I’m looking at my TV that’s turned on while the cable box and surround sound are off. I know if I hit this power button, the TV’ll turn off and the other two will switch off. I just want to watch my Springsteen DVDs, for God’s sake.