Montana: Red Dead Redemption
The locals hate Rockstar’s epic cowboy saga, as it kicked off The Great Gamer Migration of 2011 that saw thousands of gamers flock from the rest of the country to seek out the cowboy lifestyle. Most of them went back a few days in, but it was a huge pain in the ass for all the people that lived there.
Nebraska: NBA Jam
They’re still super pissed that they didn’t get a team in NBA Jam, but like, they don’t have an NBA team. Never did. What did you want them to do about it?
Nevada: Mario Party series
You call that a party?
New Hampshire: JFK Reloaded
You hear all this shit about how open-minded and progressive the people of New Hampshire are. Then you show them this first person shooter that lets you recreate a famous moment of history and they freak out. Way more people got killed in the events portrayed in those Call of Duty games, but whatever New Hampshire. It’s your life.
New Jersey: The Sopranos – Road to Respect
It’s a stereotype, and it’s offensive!
New Mexico: Cyberpunk 2077
This one makes sense to me. I drove through New Mexico last year, and it honestly felt like the whole state was closed for the night. It was just very dark and quiet. This shit is way too much for them, I think.
New York: American Truck Simulator
That’s all it is? Just trucks? What do you wanna do that for?
North Carolina: Mario Kart series
That there, that ain’t real racin’. That’s just a buncha bullshit.
North Dakota: Sonic the Hedgehog
North Dakota leads the nation in honey production, as well as spring wheat, dry edible beans, and canola. They also hate Sonic the Hedgehog with a severity that frightens most visitors when they hear the intensity with which it is spoken of. No one’s sure why.
Ohio: Kentucky Route Zero
Everyone praised this game as being so fucked up and vivid and surreal, but everyone in Ohio thought it seemed pretty tame compared to the horrors and oddities they face regularly.
Oklahoma: Nagano Winter Olympics ‘98
Inexplicably, the good people of Oklahoma are still sorely upset that this Nintendo 64 Winter Olympics game didn’t feature college football of any sort. Just some bizarre stuff from Oklahoma.
Oregon: High on Life
Everyone from Oregon went on and on about the humor of this game being a little too much for them, but you could tell all of them had played it to the end. I think they liked it.
Pennsylvania: Animal Crossing series
“Fuck Your Happy Bullshit” is one of the things you can have it say on your license plate in Pennsylvania, if you don’t want it to say “The Keystone State” or “visitPA.com.”
Rhode Island: Grand Theft Auto V
You ever see the map for this game? It gives Rhode Islanders major anxiety, on account of it’s so fuckin’ big.
South Carolina: Out Run
Most kids from South Carolina do some version of this game’s activities (fly through the streets in a convertible with reckless abandon alongside a scantily clad woman in the passenger seat before a series of violent wrecks occur), so you might think it’s popular, but the reality is nobody wants to be reminded of their first DUI, no matter how great the soundtrack.
South Dakota: Twisted Metal series
People from South Dakota are usually pretty chill (if you can find them anywhere), but boot up one of these classic games and watch them lose their shit when you desecrate a national monument. They flip right out.
Tennessee: Guitar Hero
All those rock and roll games and never once did they make a little banjo and let you pluck some Earl Scruggs or something. Honestly, they’re right.
Texas: Mortal Kombat 3
Senator Ted Cruz claims he speaks for the rest of his state when he says he doesn’t trust Sheeva, or “Anyone who’s got more arms than tits.”
Utah: Leisure Suit Larry franchise
Kids get expelled if they even say “Leisure Suit Larry” in Utah schools. That goes all the way up to the college level.
Vermont: Among Us
They’re a bunch of hippies in Vermont. The guy that melted down and screamed “I can’t do this shit!” the last time you played? He was probably from Vermont.
Virginia: Gran Turismo series
Gran Turismo has consistently delivered realistic driving experiences for decades now, to the extent that it makes the citizens of Virginia unfathomably angry when they play it.
Washington: Home Improvement – Power Tool Pursuit!
Home Improvement got a video game, but Fraiser didn’t? Blow it out your ass, Tool Man.
West Virginia: Cities Skylines
West Virginian’s aren’t much for city folk, and they get downright livid if they catch wind of someone they know going around planning cities for fun.
Wisconsin: Assassin’s Creed series
Ever since Ubisoft rejected their inquiry about setting a game in the series in Green Bay, Wisconsinites have shunned the series, no matter fun each new installment sounds.
Wyoming: Paper Mario – The Origami King
I talked to the guy that lives in Wyoming, and he said he really didn’t like the combat in this game at all, which really disappointed him because he likes the art style so much.
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