#30 — Maru
Maru has a steady job at the clinic. She is an outgoing and intelligent young woman with a hobby she’s passionate about and parents who support her. She’s one of those weirdos who isn’t seeking artificial fulfillment through chemical means. You’ll have to look elsewhere.
#29 — George
First of all, George is just really mean. That’s not a vibe I’m trying to connect with. Also, since he keeps posting quests for random items to relieve his various aches and pains, I doubt Harvey has been giving him the good stuff at the clinic. The strongest thing in George’s medicine cabinet is Tylenol.
#28 — Gus
Gus prides himself on running a “clean bar,” despite the fact that Sebastian is literally dealing in the pool room. If you’re after alcohol, then yeah, obviously Gus is the guy to see. If you ask for anything else, you’ll get kicked out.
#27 — Gil
Gil claims that he has never had any use for drugs. I don’t think he’s lying, per se, but every now and then, he’ll mention that Coca-Cola used to be way better back in the day.
#26 — Evelyn
Evelyn is an old hippie from way back, but she doesn’t want anyone to know that. She literally wouldn’t be able to take George’s shit every day if she weren’t high, but she will not admit it, even when you point out that she always takes her own cookie from a separate container than the one she keeps everyone else’s in.
#25 — Sam
Sam was straight edge until the day he turned 21. He drinks now, but hasn’t experimented any further. Honestly, he still feels a bit guilty about the drinking.
#24 — Clint
Clint tried weed once and it gave him a panic attack. Ever since, he has stuck strictly to alcohol. He won’t judge you, but he won’t have anything for you, either.
#23 — Grandpa
So, most people wouldn’t ask their dead grandfather for drugs. I get it. But this is the guy who wrote you that whole heartfelt letter about escaping the rush of the modern world and returning to a simpler life. There’s a good chance he’s disappointed in you for not starting a hemp crop. Unfortunately, he’s a ghost, so it’s unclear if he could deliver even if you asked.
#22 — Wizard
You would think that a wizard could hook you up with some truly cosmic shit, but you should avoid this option if at all possible. All he has is that weird hallucinogenic tea that he brews in his giant cauldron, and it mostly just makes you shit your brains out.
#21 — Willy
Don’t bug Willy. He just wants to fish and hang out with Clint at the bar. It’s not like he would actually have any drugs on him, anyway.
#20 — Lewis
Lewis will happily reminisce about toking up with your Grandpa back when they were young, but says the modern stuff is just too strong for him. He’s not going to cause you any trouble, but the stories he tells you will take up your whole evening. You’re going to bed sober tonight.
#19 — Sandy
Sandy will not sell you anything illegal. She will, however, look suggestively in the direction of Mr. Qi’s casino and say something like, “I have no idea where you would find anything like that.”
#18 — Haley
Haley isn’t the kind of person who has drugs, she just shows up to places where there are drugs. Even if you do tag along, you’ll basically have to babysit her. She goes absolutely wild and will demand to drive home, despite the fact she doesn’t have a car. You will need to be sober to prevent her from trying to steal one.
#17 — Alex
There’s a decent enough chance that Alex could hook you up, or at least direct you to someone who could. The thing I’m worried about is that he’s a promising young athlete. What if I accidentally introduce him to drugs and he spirals out of control? I don’t want to be a footnote on a 30 for 30 about how Alex could have been a star had he not died tragically young.
#16 — Gunther
Gunther may not seem the type to imbibe, but he personally tests the pharmacological attributes of every mineral you donate. That’s not a very smart thing to do, and it’s never actually gotten him high, but at least he won’t be judgy when you ask if he’s got any molly.
