#31 — Nidoqueen
Nidoqueen tastes like a tube of lipstick. Generally flavorless, but now your teeth will shine a glistening shade of ruby red. Slay, Nidoqueen!
#32 — Nidoran♂
Like its counterpart, Nidoran♂ tastes like a boy’s Happy Meal Toy. Again, a pointless distinction to make in this day and age, but generation 1 came out a long time ago, and Pokémon doesn’t distinguish individual entries by gender anymore, either. I think they were kinda just padding it out to get to 150 with this one.
#33 — Nidorino
Nidorino tastes like way too much Axe body spray. You know, when someone sprays it on and you start coughing the second they walk up to you? It’s like that. Nidorino is a poison-type, after all.
#34 — Nidoking
Nidoking tastes like rawhide leather. Hell, you could make a big purple suit out of the guy and wear him around if you really wanted to. Poké-activists might try to throw paint on you if you do, though.
#35 — Clefairy
This fairy-type Pokémon tastes like cocaine. No wonder those scientists over on Mt. Moon are up all night researching so intensely! Clefairy is a great lab assistant in that regard.
#36 — Clefable
Clefable tastes like angel dust, otherwise known as PCP. It’s all fun and games until someone at the party suggests trying Clefable.
#37 — Vulpix
Vulpix tastes like one of those caramel cream candies. You don’t come across ‘em too often, but when you do, it’s always a treat.
#38 — Ninetales
Ninetales tastes like butternut squash. Versatile in many dishes, and tastes even better when fire roasted.
#39 — Jigglypuff
Jigglypuff obviously tastes like cotton candy, which always seems like a fun thing to eat at the carnival, until you’re puking up pink Jigglypuff-like goop from the top of a rollercoaster.
#40 — Wigglytuff
Wigglytuff tastes like fiberglass insulation foam, which looks a lot like cotton candy, so be careful, and always source your goods.
#41 — Zubat
Tastes like a call from Scam Likely. You don’t know who they are or how they got your number, but they just won’t leave you alone and always bother you at the most inopportune moments. Kind of like Zubat.
#42 — Golbat
Tastes like a cryptic “call me” text message from your parents. Do they just want to catch up, or did something really bad happen? It would be nice if they left some form of context, but I guess they just really want you to call them. Similarly, Golbat will also leave you alone in the dark and confused.
#43 — Oddish
An “odd radish”, assuming that’s the etymology here. A radish that itself is odd, or a radish that will make you feel odd if you eat it. I mean, Oddish is one of the closest Pokémon on this list to an actual food, but it would still feel weird to bite down on one and eat it.
#44 — Gloom
A Potpourri dish. Great for making your bathroom smell fresh, but most likely poisonous if you try to eat one.
#45 — Vileplume
Vileplume looks like one of those horrifying jungle flowers that will melt your hand off if you touch it or something, so it stands to reason that it likely tastes like one of the deadliest poisons known to man. Probably smells awful, too.
#46 — Paras
Paras tastes like mushrooms, the fun kind that makes the walls move and throb and stuff.
#47 — Parasect
Parasect tastes like mushrooms, the bad kind that grows like a parasite in your body, leaving you its humble host.
#48 — Venonat
A tennis ball. Venonat is just as bouncy and fuzzy too, but that wouldn’t be very nice to do to them, now, would it?
#49 — Venomoth
Venomoth tastes like licking a tennis racket. Its luscious wings flutter in the air, much like your power serve.
#50 — Diglett
A bald guy’s freshly shaven head. Sometimes when it starts to go, the best thing you can do is shave it all off! Go on– get a lick in there!
#51 — Dugtrio
Three bald guys’ freshly shaven heads. They stand in solidarity with each other as one great bald brotherhood. Now that I say that out loud, they’re actually kind of suspicious.
#52 — Meowth
Meowth tastes like a crumpled up dollar bill. Who knows how many wallets, cash registers, or Pokéballs this thing has been inside of– disgusting.
#53 — Persian
A crumpled up twenty dollar bill. Doesn’t taste any better than a regular dollar bill, but at least it’s twenty bucks.
#54 — Psyduck
Psyduck tastes like a Slurpee, and the ensuing brain freeze you get afterwards. You’d think as an adult I’d have learned by now to slow down when drinking these things, but nope! Psy-aye-aye…
#55 — Golduck
Golduck tastes like blue Gatorade. What’s it called– glacier freeze, blue frost, something like that. Golduck is clearly an athlete, and sweats Gatorade just like in those old commercials.
#56 — Mankey
Mankey tastes like a pork rind you dropped on the floor. Porky, and a bit hairy too.
#57 — Primeape
Those annoying burrs that get caught on your shoelaces. You know the ones– licking Primeape is like licking a ream of those things. Maybe now we can see why Primeape is so angry all the time.
#58 — Growlithe
Growlithe tastes like burnt popcorn. Not great, but the taste can maybe be salvaged if you pile on the butter and salt.
#59 — Arcanine
Arcanine tastes like licking a shag carpet. Hopefully it hasn’t rolled around in anything nasty.
#60 — Poliwag
A rubber bath toy. Matter of fact, I’m pretty sure I had a Poliwag bath squirter when I was a kid, from Burger King or something.
