Listen, nobody actually wants to think about this sort of thing, but you have to admit you’re at least a little bit curious. I mean, people in the games canonically eat Pokémon, right? Remember Slowpoke Tail? Well, have you ever thought about what it would taste like? How about all of the Pokémon from the iconic first generation? Well, wonder no further, because we’ll be going in-depth into what every single generation 1 Pokémon (probably) tastes like.
#1 — Bulbasaur
A walking, talking brussels sprout! It’s good for you, and tastes great roasted with a fire move. Nobody will make fun of you for choosing Bulbasaur as your starter now.
#2 — Ivysaur
A big ol’ radish and frog legs — tastes like what it looks like. You gotta appreciate the ones that are just pretty straightforward like this.
#3 — Venusaur
Balsamic chicken breast salad. A perfect ordoeuvre to any meal or battle. The big flower might be poisonous though, best to eat around that, probably.
#4 — Charmander
Weirdly enough, Charmander tastes like s’mores! A living breathing bonfire you can eat. A little morbid, but you’ll forget all about it as you and your friends crowd around Charmander and have one of those magical summer nights that you’ll look back on for years to come.
#5 — Charmeleon
Alligator jerky. Tough to chew, but Charmeleon leaves a delightful smoky aftertaste. High in attitude, and high in protein!
#6 — Charizard
I know they say all meat tastes like chicken, but Charizard really just does taste like chicken. Sorry.
#7 — Squirtle
Squirtle leaves kind of a soapy aftertaste, but I think that might just be cilantro or something. Wait. Do I have the “cilantro gene”?
#8 — Wartortle
Wartortle also kind of tastes like soap. Shit, I guess I do have the cilantro gene. That sucks!
#9 — Blastoise
Okay so Blastoise definitely tastes like an actual bar of soap so I don’t think I have the cilantro gene after all. Thank god I’m not one of those freaks.
#10 — Caterpie
Remember those green apple Jolly Ranchers? Caterpie kinda tastes like that, actually. Cute as a button, though! It’s really too bad.
#11 — Metapod
Obviously Metapod is going to use Harden to try to keep you from eating it, but if you’re patient enough, Metapod’s insides taste just like Cheddar Bay Biscuits from Red Lobster. Those things are good, right?! Hey waiter– keep ‘em comin’!
#12 — Butterfree
Have you ever taken a bite out of a stick of butter on a dare? Pretty gross, right? Butterfree tastes like that. Not unexpected, but still pretty disappointing.
#13 — Weedle
Weedle tastes like banana-flavored hard candy. God, is there anyone who likes that stuff? Shaping it like a little banana doesn’t make it taste any better, either. Stay away from eating Weedle unless you’re some kind of freak.
#14 — Kakuna
True story, actually: when I was a kid, my parents would buy this ‘Kaukauna’ brand of spreadable cheese dip, and it always reminded me of Kakuna. So let’s go with that. I was a weird kid, okay?
#15 — Beedrill
A honeycomb. Like, a raw honeycomb from a bee hive. Honey is delicious, but eating one of these is a lot tougher than you’d think, without much of the flavor. Sure they make it look good in cereal and stuff, but Beedrill will similarly scrape the roof of your mouth up.
#16 — Pidgey
Pepper. Not the vegetable, but the seasoning. Imagine a fistful of pepper getting blown in your face. That’s what Pidgey tastes like. Not very pleasant!
#17 — Pidgeotto
Salt and pepper. Imagine a fistful of salt and pepper getting blown in your face. That’s what Pidgeotto tastes like. Not very pleasant!
#18 — Pidgeot
Paprika. Imagine a fistful of– yeah, you get the picture. Whatever, nobody clicked on this list and immediately scrolled to “Pidgeot” anyway.
#19 — Rattata
Rattata tastes like an old shoe. Obviously nobody wants to be eating the equivalent of an old shoe, but if you’re stuck on Route 1 and starving to death, I guess it could be worse?
#20 — Raticate
A pair of Ugg boots. These things were pretty trendy for a while there, and if you’ve ever wondered what they taste like, look no further than the normal-type powerhouse Raticate.
#21 — Spearow
One huge chicken nugget. Zero nutritional value, and made from that pink slime that people say they use at McDonald’s or whatever. Wait a second, is that pink slime Ditto?
#22 — Fearow
Fearow tastes like that spicy chicken sandwich from Popeye’s that everyone was lining up around the block for a couple years ago. I mean, I know it’s pretty good, but it’s just a chicken sandwich. Has nobody ever had one before?
#23 — Ekans
Ekans tastes like the generic brand version of Froot Loops. In your head you know it’s basically the same, but something is just kind of off about it, and you can’t quite put your finger on it. But hey, at least it’s 30 cents cheaper than the name brand stuff.
#24 — Arbok
Arbok tastes like the real deal– name brand Froot Loops. Spelled with two O’s and the Kellogg’s logo proudly plastered at the top. Arbok tastes like the real thing, and you can absolutely tell the difference. Probably.
#25 — Pikachu
Okay, so luckily we actually do know someone who has eaten Pikachu before. His name is Kirby, and he claims he only did it out of self defense during a heated match of Smash Bros. When we asked him, he told us that Pikachu tastes like Fun Dip.
#26 — Raichu
Maybe it’s an electric-type thing, but Raichu tastes like Pop Rocks. No nutritional value, just pure shock value.
#27 — Sandshrew
Sandshrew tastes like quinoa, which I looked up, and is considered to be something called a pseudocereal, a term I had never even heard before. I didn’t expect to learn anything new when writing this, but hey, look at me now!
#28 — Sandslash
Sandslash tastes like buckwheat, which is also a pseudocereal. Great party fact if anyone wants it!
#29 — Nidoran♀ 
Nidoran♀ tastes like a girl’s Happy Meal Toy. I don’t even think they differentiate Happy Meal Toys by gender anymore, but it’s important to remember that generation 1 came out at a different time in history.
#30 — Nidorina
Nidorina tastes like high heel shoes. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing.
