Wes Anderson has made a selection of delightful diorama-like films that I hold very near and dear to my heart. And these films, for better or for worse, are about the complicated lives of people ranging from the mostly rich to the very rich. But what would it be like to live in one of Wes Anderson’s movies as a poor person? Well let’s find out!
#11 — Isle of Dogs (2018)
DOG LIFE RULES!!!! Arf arf! I’m just hanging out on a big island with all my homies, who are dogs by the way, and we’re kings. What a world I get to wake up to every morning. Thank you Wes Anderson for imagining it, you freak.
#10 — Bottle Rocket (1996)
I’m kinda just vibing in Texas this whole movie, laughing at my dumbass friends who wanna rob a store or some shit. They’re always doing the goofiest stuff, I love it, man. Apparently Tony’s got depression or whatever. He’s gotta chill out more.
#9 — The Darjeeling Limited (2007)
In this movie, I am working on a train in India. It’s honestly not that bad a gig, except for this group of extremely annoying, pretentious brothers. They’re making my day hell. But other than that, it’s not that bad a job! I get to travel a lot. Hashtag train life. Hashtag India.
#8 — Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)
I never thought there would be such a brutal class system in this tree-and-hole neighborhood, but I guess that’s on me for moving to a place that is so segregated by species. Everyone is nice, but they look down on me in a liberal sort of way. I’m the only snake who lives here and I am lonely.
#7 — The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)
I work on a boat. I can’t tell if it’s a cult or not. One of my coworkers got shot to death. I didn’t think that was something that could happen on a boat job. And yet, it feels good to be a part of something greater than myself. Perhaps, one day, I too will die for this boat.
#6 — Rushmore (1998)
Max Fischer loves to talk about how hard it is being a secretly middle-class kid at a school for the wealthy and privileged. And yet, I am a teacher at Rushmore Academy. I make a terrifyingly low salary and still have to pay for all my supplies out of my own pocket while older wealthy parents are trying to hook up with my coworkers. The plays are cool though.
#5 — Moonrise Kingdom (2012)
I am an employee for the most pretentious camp in America. Every day, I’m like “hey Johnny, did you make your bed today?” and some 10-year-old jerk is like, “Hmph! I have not! I am the child and yet I am your master. How Kafkaesque. Have you read him? Or has no one yet taught you how to read?” And then he runs away and I think about letting him die in the woods.
#4 — The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)
“Go work at the Grand Budapest Hotel!” my mom told me. “Maybe your boss will take you under his wing and you’ll find a priceless painting and fall in love!” Dude all I’ve done for the last six years is clean the sheets of old rich people after they screw the concierge in our beds.
#3 — Asteroid City (2023)
8 months have passed and I am still quarantined in Asteroid City because of that dumb alien. Pretty sure everyone forgot about me. I’m running out of stuff to eat. There’s no one here but me. Someone please come and get me.
#2 — The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
“Wahhh I’m so sad because my sister doesn’t like like me!!!” No one in this goddamn family knows my name and I’ve been working as a servant in their New York City MANSION since they were BABIES! Who do you think cleaned up all that hair from the bathroom floor?!
#1 — The French Dispatch (2021)
I work at The French Dispatch as like a janitor or something and everyone is so incredibly mean to me. One time I dropped a piece of garbage on the floor by accident and Bill Murray’s character called me a “dumb little bitch.” Every night I go home to my wife and complain that I want to get a job anywhere but this stupid goddamn magazine obsessed with France.