Since the dawn of our nation in 1776, 45 power-hungry ghouls have risen the ranks of our society to become a President of the United States. For better or for worse (we think for worse), none of these men have been gamers. But what if they were? Once and for all, here is an objective ranking from worst to best of every U.S. president by how good at video games they would be.
#45 — Theodore Roosevelt (1901–1909)
Teddy Roosevelt practically invented touching grass, and would be horrified at the idea of something like Death Stranding, when he could go outside and walk around with a bunch of shit on his back in real life.
#44 — Ronald Reagan (1981–1989)
Ronald Reagan had dementia when he was president and probably would struggle with any video game more difficult than drawing a clock.
#43 — John F. Kennedy (1961–1963)
Sickly and horny, JFK spent most of his time having sex with people who weren’t his wife and trying to keep everyone from blowing each other up. It’s hard to imagine Jack would have much time to get into gaming, even if he would love some of those romanceable JRPG characters. Most importantly, though, the guy simply didn’t know how to deal with a camping sniper.
#42 — Donald Trump (2017–2021)
By default, all the living presidents go on the bottom of the list because they have the opportunity to play video games, but we never hear about it, so you have to assume they don’t. But Trump has to be the worst gamer of that bunch. I literally cannot imagine Donald Trump holding a controller the right way.
#41 — Barack Obama (2009–2017)
I would bet money that Obama knows the names of several popular video games so that if he was asked about his favorite in an interview, he could say he loves Life is Strange or Gone Home or Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain or some shit. But if you actually stuck him in front of a video game, he would immediately vomit.
#40 — Joe Biden (2021–present)
If you put a PS5 controller in Joe Biden’s hands and let him play a video game, he would just hold it, not pressing any buttons, and stare at the screen silently with a slightly open smile. Then after like 15 minutes, he’d hand it back to you, and be like “that was great.”
#39 — George W. Bush (2001–2009)
W. would actually try playing a video game if you let him. He would make little “pew pew” shooting noises as his character spun around wildly, looking at the sky, in some Call of Duty game inspired by the people he sent to murder everyone in the Middle East.
#38 — Jimmy Carter (1977–1981)
Oh right, Jimmy Carter is still alive! Maybe he’d get really into building in Fortnite. I don’t think he’d physically play the game, but he could watch some kid play it and point at the screen and say “that’s houses.”
#37 — Grover Cleveland (1885–1889, 1893–1897)
Most people who lose the presidency after one term go home and live the rest out the rest of their lives. Some of these freaks, however, try to win again. Grover Cleveland is the only person who has actually succeeded. If you’re that obsessed with being president, you are not going to play video games in any time period — there is only one thing in the world that interests you: being in charge of a lot of people.
#36 — Andrew Johnson (1865–1869)
Andrew Johnson is often listed as the worst president of all time. He fucked up the whole country after the Civil War to the point where we are still dealing with it. He would be the guy on your squad in a battle royale who, in a 4v4 fight, you realize he’s 20 minutes away trying to do some fucking quest.
#35 — Millard Filmore (1850–1853)
Millard Filmore became president after Zachary Taylor died, signed a law that required escaped slaves to be returned to their owners, and then lost reelection, never to be heard from again until a list ranking presidents by how good they would be at video games. Doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who is very good at things.
#34 — Herbert Hoover (1929–1933)
Herbert Hoover often gets the blame for being the guy who created the Great Depression, which historians consider the greatest resource management in American history. Hoover tried his best to fix a failing economy, but his best sucked and he sucked too.
#33 — John Quincy Adams (1825–1829)
Dude’s middle name was fucking Quincy and he became president because his daddy was president. He would not be a gamer, he’d be playing polo or some fucking shit.
#32 — Lyndon B. Johnson (1963–1969)
Lyndon B. Johnson’s main interaction with video games would be constantly saying to his kids, “you’re addicted to that damn game!” but never learning what the game is (or that it’s multiple games) or really doing anything to stop them from playing it.
#31 — Gerald Ford (1974–1977)
Gerald Ford has undeniable jock energy. He wouldn’t know the name of a single video game, but somehow, deep in his bones, he’d know to call Halo “Gaylo.”
