#10 — Bullet Bill
The Bullet Bill would be an incredible addition to the American arsenal. It’s got one major weakness, though: how the hell do you get out of enemy lines once you charge in? If soldiers play the game (war) with double item boxes, these are definitely OP.
#9 — Lightning Cloud
I can get a ton for this cloud, but it’s definitely a one-time purchase. Once a general accidentally bumps into and shrinks a tank, they’ll never purchase another cloud again.
#8 — Super Leaf
Oh baby, the Air Force is gonna eat this shit up. “Airmen” is about to get a whole new meaning!
#7 — Lucky 7
This is just what I call the bundle of leftover shit that they didn’t really want to buy. But, for some reason, it’s way better received than the Crazy 8. Maybe I have some lessons to learn about naming products.
#6 — POW Block
A portable earthquake generator? Easy millions to be made here. Look out, any other country that crosses us!
#5 — Giant Banana
I’m convinced I could use the Giant Banana as proof of a shrink ray with a reverse option. Just don’t let the military know all I did was steal it from Kong Island. Don’t tell Donkey Kong, either.
#4 — Super Star
Complete invulnerability and a boost in speed seems like a no-brainer to create an army of super soldiers. However, President Biden keeps remarking that the rainbow glow makes the soldiers look “a little gay” and wants me to do something about it.
#3 — Yoshi Egg
The acquisitions guy is just buying this for his son, not military use. I get to name my price, especially since I’m keeping quiet about this huge misuse of funds.
#2 — Mega Mushroom
This is pretty much the super soldier serum. I become filthy rich after selling these bad boys in bulk to the Army, due to the short duration.
#1 — Lightning Bolt
This item essentially makes the Army generals gods. Looking forward to saying “I am become death, destroyer of worlds,” as look at the battlefield in my dedicated mansion overlook, sitting atop the biggest piles of money you can imagine.
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