REHOBETH BEACH, Del. — A prominent “fedora guy” was apparently demoted in popularity in favor of a new “kilt guy,” at last week’s annual Bit Con gathering, bitter sources confirm.
“I’m absolutely stunned and disturbed by this desperate, narcissistic, display,” said self-proclaimed fedora guy, Andrew Carman. “I’ve been wearing my fedora to Bit Con since like before rumble packs, and then some clown who I assume must be obsessed with me, shows up in a kilt? What’s he trying to prove? Some people have a pathetic sense of identity.”
Denying Carman’s allegations of attention seeking behavior, “kilt guy” Ivan Kuznetsov was quick to defend his actions.
“Can’t a guy visually express pride in the cultural heritage of many of his favorite fictional characters without being judged? I mean, my Warcraft character came to this planet on a very long steampunk ship voyage many years in the future in search of freedom, not crotch shelfs,” Kuznetsov said, as two cute gamer girls polished his PS3 controller for him before handing him another peeled chicken tender. “I mean bro, what’s up with the fedora, anyway? Do you even croon?”
Bit Con founder Stephanie Sultor commented on the incident.
“This kind of male ego toxicity is simply not what Bit Con is all about,” said Sultor. “Unfortunately, it’s usually about women being harassed, so this is really kind of a welcomed change. We’re thinking of hosting a ‘most annoying outfit’ contest next year, just to encourage this sort of thing.”
Carman and Kuznetsov responded with indignity and dismissiveness after a rumored “actual live snake guy” was said to be attending next year’s event.
