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Tragic: Anime Switches to Shitty New Theme Song Right After You Started Liking Shitty Old Theme Song

CRANSTON, R.I. — Urgent cries from living rooms across the nation confirmed that the theme song to your favorite anime — which you had just started to enjoy — has been switched out for some cheesy garbage.

“I had just opened Crunchyroll to watch the new episode,” you are reported to have said, after explaining that you had been preparing for the latest season by binging the existing 352 episodes four times in a row. “I fell into the couch, ready to rock out to ‘Rise!! (The Monster-Fighting Hero Ascends).’ Seriously, I had a whole dance and everything. Before I could every mime the guitar riff at the start, I heard this terrible, unfamiliar drumbeat kick in. It totally threw me off. I could barely pay attention to the episode for, like, three whole watch-throughs.”

Katsumi Matsubara, who wrote the original manga and produces the anime, explained why he felt the change was necessary.

“This new season has an entirely different tone,” explained Matsubara. “I wanted the theme song to reflect the darker storyline. So, instead of using ‘Rise!! (The Monster-Fighting Hero Ascends)’ again, I asked a new band to write something completely different. They created ‘Skyborn Hero Defeats the Monsters,’ which I think better fits the content of the show at this time.”

Dan Barkley, an American anime critic, had a more cynical response to the switch.

“It’s a common technique that these production companies use to increase soundtrack sales,” said Barkley. “They’ve got it down to a science. As soon as fans have been habituated to one theme song long enough that they will feel compelled to buy the album, the song is changed. There’s a lot of thought that goes into these theme songs. Except for the times they just change it up to fuck with you, which is, frankly, pretty common as well.”

At press time, you were observed nodding your head along to the new theme after binging eight consecutive episodes.