ROME — A lookalike competition for the famous gladiator Spartacus ended in a massive tie as almost all contestants began asserting themselves as the true hero, local sources confirmed.
“I simply asked for the real Spartacus to make himself known so he could win the 50 copper-coin prize”, Octavius Flavia, local statesman and event organizer, lamented. “Once someone finally did, another contestant interrupted him, rather adamant that he was the true warrior. Then he got interrupted and things went off the rails from there.”
The competition ended up lasting three hours more than scheduled, with organizers eventually declaring a collective tie as contestants began shouting “I AM SPARTACUS” in defiant unison.
“I really thought I had this in the bag,” Julius Maximus, a contestant with a stark resemblance to the Thracian gladiator, gave his thoughts on the matter. “But after that first guy declared he was the true Spartacus, I realized that Spartacus isn’t about what’s out here, but in here,” Maximus explained, pointing to his heart, with tears in his eyes.
Locals who were in the area at the time reported feeling rather inspired after witnessing the spectacle.
“I was just going for a stroll, but as I heard the contestants got louder and louder, I started to wonder if I was also Spartacus.” Helena the Younger explained, with a determined look in her eye. “Before I knew it, I was a part of the growing crowd, arguing with contestants over who the true Spartacus was. I know we were fighting, but it felt weirdly unifying to be there. I’m kind of glad no one won the cash prize, it really would’ve killed the vibe we got going.”
At press time, Roman senators have outlawed lookalike competitions after a man at an Julius Caesar lookalike contest was stabbed 23 times.
