DUCKBURG — Billionaire Scrooge McDuck has reportedly traded the entire contents of his world-famous money vault for a sack of moistened bread, frustrated sources confirmed.
Duckburg CPA Fenton Crackshell, the long-suffering accountant of McDuck was mortified to learn the deal was made without being consulted.
“Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later! At the end of the day, the guy’s still a duck at heart. And have you ever had some wet bread around a duck before? We can’t control ourselves! Oh man, just thinking about it has got my beak watering,” said the now-unemployed Crackshell, while gobbling down the 10% of the sack he’s entitled to. “I just wished he’d consulted me before making such a brash decision, I probably could have drawn up the language in the deal and gotten him a few extra moldy bagels or an old pretzel on top of everything.”
McDuck himself is unrepentant and claims the business deal is one of the best he’s ever made.
“He who controls the soggy sourdough controls the entire city of Duckburg, as far as I’m concerned! Plus, now I won’t have to deal with those pesky Beagle Boys. They took one look at the sack of slop and it churned their low-life stomachs! McDuck wins again,” celebrated McDuck, while wandering around his now barren vault, save for a few slimy crumbs. “And now I can leave my grand-nephews something of worth in my will. If I can manage to resist devouring it all in one sitting, these lads stand to inherit a hearty sum, for as you know, like the finest of wines, wet bread only appreciates with age. Soon, not only will it be bread, but mushrooms should start sprouting any day. Part of a balanced breakfast!”
Financial historian Desanto Lusk claims that this deal could go down in history if it is not rewritten as per the catchy theme song.
“I’ve been monitoring situations like this for years and it doesn’t usually end well,” said a sweaty Lusk from his office teeming with loose papers and old food containers. “The worst case was Popeye, who lost everything in the great spinach famine of 2003. Poor guy…he yis what he yis though, so you can’t fault him there. McDuck is synonymous with success though, so he’ll most likely come out on top. Plus, nobody’s mentioned yet that the bread is Wonder brand. Top shelf, primo stuff.”
At press time, the source McDuck traded his billions to was revealed to be Oscar the Grouch, who merely wanted more clutter to fill his trash can.
