DURHAM, N.C. — A local blue 2×6 brick LEGO piece reportedly hopes that someone will step on it today, according to horny sources.
“Oh fuck, I see you walking over here. With your big nude feet swinging wildly across the room. Aw shit, fucking step on me. STEP ON ME,” said the LEGO piece, laying hornily on a living room floor. “I’m just laying here, baby. I’m just waiting for you. All I want is for you to step on me or sit on me or oh my god please just come this way, I’m going crazy.”
Other LEGO pieces have criticized the horny LEGO piece for its actions.
“These fetish freaks need to understand that it’s one thing to be into nasty shit on your own time, but you shouldn’t pull unsuspecting people into your horny weirdo bullshit. It’s essentially sexual harassment,” said a long, wide flat LEGO piece safely tucked away in a nearby box. “And most importantly, it apparently HURTS. You hear people step on a LEGO and yelp out in pain! But the LEGO piece — the horny freak LEGO piece — just silently orgasms itself on the floor. These pieces make me sick. Just be part of an X-Wing like the fucking rest of us.”
A spokesperson for LEGO commented on the recent increase in LEGO pieces laying on the ground in hopes of being stepped on by big human feet.
“We apologize to our fans everywhere for making some of the LEGO pieces horny,” said Niels B. Christiansen. “That was a major oversight on our end. These pieces of plastic that can be used for fun little plastics did not need to be granted sentience, they did not need to have sexual desires, and they certainly did not need to have weird fetishes. That’s entirely on us and, again, we are sorry. At this time, however, we are doing nothing to reverse this decision. Thank you for understanding.”
At press time, a person living in the home of the horny 2×6 brick stepped on it, because of course they fucking did.
