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New Marvel Movie to Be Released Direct-to-Airplane

LOS ANGELES — Kevin Feige announced today that the upcoming MCU movie Captain America: Brave New World will be released exclusively on airplane TVs.

“We know that Marvel fans are extremely passionate about our films, and we see in our data that people are watching them more and more on the little TVs on the backs of the seats in front of them that airplanes provide,” Feige explained at an event devoid of celebrities due to the SAG-AFTRA strike. “We want to make sure that everyone gets a chance to see the next Captain America movie — which legally I have to state that Chris Evans is not in — the way they want to see it.”

“And let me be perfectly clear: this is not at all due to any waning interest in MCU movies and television. We believe that people simply prefer the ambience of an airplane in the background of our films, and enjoy taking in these incredible stories while traveling to faraway destinations,” Feige stated. “I guess they just love these movies so much that they want to experience them on the way to exciting vacations or something like that.”

Marvel fans reacted to the news with mixed emotions.

“Makes sense, I guess. The thing about watching movies on airplanes is that you can’t really hear or see anything that well. Which is why I like watching all the Marvel movies and shows I haven’t gotten around to on airplanes,” said Kathryn Decker. “You know, because it doesn’t really matter if you forget to pause while asking the flight attendant for one of those little cookies.”

“OK this is going to be EPIC!” said a r/MarvelStudios moderator. “Literally just booked a 3 hour flight to another city just so I could watch Captain America, land, hop back on the return flight, and watch it again! I hope a lot of true Marvel fans are on board, so we can all watch at the same time and CHEER when Thunderbolt Ross comes up! I REALLY hope they explain that he looks different from William Hurt’s version because of a rift in the multiverse.”

At press time, Feige revealed plans to just pretend they released Thunderbolts and see if anyone notices.

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