DALLAS — A horrified 41-year-old man was horrified to discover that his novelty finger mustache tattoo had started to turn gray, sources have confirmed.
“Man, you never think it’s gonna happen to your finger mustache tattoo,” said David Sanders, after discovering a few gray strands in the mustache inked into the inside of his first finger back in 2003. “I saw that Jim and Boner’s were both getting a little grey, and heck, Will’s just came off of his finger entirely, but I always thought mine was holding on strong. Oh well. Maybe the whole salt-and-pepper finger mustache vibe will be a good fit for me. Like George Clooney, if he had a stupid tattoo everyone was getting 20 years ago.”
Doctors said more and more men are discovering grey hairs in their finger mustache tattoos, and that it’s a perfectly normal part of the aging process.
“We know it can be freaky, but most finger mustache tattoos turn gray after a while,” said Dr. Peter Worthington, a local orthopedic doctor. “Sadly, not many tattoos or heads of hair keep their quality forever. Combining the two was always going to be a bad idea. If you’re sick of it, can you just use a razorblade and shave that layer of your skin off permanently? Why, yes. Yes you can.”
Friends of Sanders understood his mortified reaction to the tattoo.
“I mean not only is it turned gray, which is so weird by the way,” said someone, a friend of his. “But it’s also a reminder of how annoying he was right when he got it back in the day. It was fun for a night, I guess, but he really could have achieved the same thing with a Sharpie, when you think about it. Maybe he could use one now to color it black again, actually.”
As of press time, an embarrassed Sanders refused to take any pictures for the gathered press.