LOS ANGELES — Streaming service HBO Max is reportedly struggling to reinvent itself after moving to a new school district, according to eye-rolling sources.
“Oh your name is Max? Yeah, sure, dude. This is a classic new-high-school reinvention and we’re not falling for that shit,” Netflix said on their way to go chat with the popular streaming services, pushing past Max and inadvertently knocking them into a nearby locker. “You can try to pull off this bullshit about how you have a broader catalog of content and you’re open to new ideas and audiences, but we all know you’re still the same nerdy premium brand HBO Max that you were at your old school. This isn’t an ’80s movie. And you should know that considering you still have The Breakfast Club on your site.”
Despite other services at Max’s new school seeing through their ploy, Max remained determined to make the new persona stick.
“HBO is still a big part of who I am, sure, but this is my chance to start over. Nobody knows me at this school and I can really make a new name for myself. One with ad-free services and maybe even ultimate ad-free services, once I figure out what that means,” Max explained. “I don’t have to be the same old HBO Max that people used to kick around for constantly saying, ‘Oops! Something went wrong!’ or for deleting finished movies from my catalog without ever releasing them. I’m young and I feel like I still have so much to Discover about myself. I can be whoever I want! So say hello to Max.”
At press time, HBO Max became completely embarrassed after Disney+ dug up some old photos of HBO Max from back when they were still going by “HBO Go.”