SUGAR GROVE, Ill. — After accumulating a wealth of hobbies, likes, and interests all suited to his individual flavor palette, local man Grant Monet has allegedly gone and made it his whole entire personality.
“It’s kind of weird,” said Monet’s friend Josh Hanour. “Grant went and got really into the things he likes and enjoys. He’s practically made it his entire personality at this point. But it’s like, without your individual preferences, unique interests, and favorite past-times… who are you, really? It’s really sad. Sorry, but doing all the things in your life that give you joy and make you feel fulfilled are not a personality. Your personality should be built by one thing and one thing only: what media you consume.”
Monet, who has a personality made up of a number of different curiosities, creative pursuits, and interests in social causes, appeared unfettered by the criticisms levied towards him.
“This is just who I am. I may be really into woodworking, 90s alternative rock, and mass-transit systems now, but I’m no different now than I was when I was really into candle-making, cinema from the 1940s, and Indian food,” said Monet. “People are always changing and evolving. I’ll probably be into some other shit next month that you’ll hear about too. Sorry!.”
At press time, those who have taken an interest in Monet’s fickle and ever-changing lifestyle choices have gone and made it their whole entire fucking thing now too.
