LOS ANGELES — The production Disney’s live-action Snow White adaptation, set to release March 22, 2024, has reportedly been plagued with strange occurrences among the cast and crew. Reports of conversations reflecting the absurdity of existence and the purposelessness of life transpire every day on set, sources confirm.
“We’ve nearly wrapped but we just have a few crucial scenes with Gal Gadot left to film today,” said director Mark Webb, removing his shoes last Saturday. “She should be here any minute and we can get started. Greta [Gerwig] and I just had a wonderful morning finishing up Rachel Zegler’s scenes as Snow White and bid her adieu. This will surely be a big hit for Disney. Just as soon as Gal Gadot arrives, we’ll be in business.”
Gadot, in fact, was unable to make call time this past Saturday. A production assistant arrived on set later in the day to inform Webb and Gerwig that the Wonder Woman star would not be available to shoot that evening, but would surely come by the following day. Surely.
However, Sunday proved to be not as productive as intended.
“Today has been even stranger,” said co-screenwriter Greta Gerwig, as she and Webb traded and tried on three different bowler hats. “We were waiting for Gadot to show like she said she would, but then we were once again greeted by our Snow White actress. Though, something was different about her.”
“We felt sure we had finished her scenes yesterday, but she insisted we were wrong and that ‘facts don’t care about our feelings,'” stated Webb. “The warm and welcoming star of our movie was suddenly carrying herself like some sort of Ben Shapiro lap dog. Thankfully, reshooting her scenes didn’t take too long. And Gadot should be here any minute now.”
As fate would have it, Gadot once again did not come to set. Arriving in her absence was the same PA to inform Webb and Gerwig their villainess would not be in attendance. Reportedly, the PA did not recognize the film’s director and writer while also claiming to have not been on set ever before this exchange.
“This has been a long day,” said Gerwig. “Pity we used the last reel of film reshooting the Snow White scenes. We should bring another reel with us tomorrow. Let’s go.”
At press time, Webb and Gerwig have still not moved from set.