TUCSON, Ariz. — Details in newly unearthed home videos seem to imply a larger, shared traumatic universe within the Pappas family, gaslit sources reveal.
“I haven’t looked at this stuff since I was a teenager,” said Jack Pappas, 34, who digitized dozens of VHS tapes while cleaning out his mother’s basement. “I thought I had a pretty normal childhood, but on repeat viewing I’m not so sure. Eagle eyed Pappas fans will note, for instance, that my mother’s bedroom door was closed during my seventh birthday party and my party balloons were gray, references of course to my mother’s undiagnosed clinical depression, an issue which I’m happy to say is now canon.”
Family historian and oldest cousin Angie Pappas-Baxter has begun cataloging the Easter Eggs in daily emails which nobody reads.
“I haven’t had this much fun since I did all that Ancestry.com stuff a while back to win an argument with one of my racist uncles,” said Pappas-Baxter. “But thanks to Jack, I can see details in these old movies that intrigue me. Grandpa’s hands used to shake a lot whenever our dog barked, which we kids thought was funny, but now I can just about make out his army uniform hanging in the coat closet. Really makes you wonder what he got up to off-screen.”
Clara Pappas, mother of Jack, refused to look at the videos and disagreed with the trauma-informed analysis suggested by other members of the family.
“I don’t know what my son is talking about. Things at home were perfectly normal and nice. Sure, we had some ups and downs, like everybody else. In my day we just got through those things. Even when the dog got struck by lightning on the Fourth of July after Mom died in that car fire and Bud got drafted – we didn’t complain. None of my eleven siblings ever even thought about going to therapy, so how bad could it have been? The younger generation are just complainers.”
At press time, sources indicate that Grandpa Pappas’ story would be continued in a standalone rewatch of Band of Brothers.
