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Disney Adult Objects to Being Called Adult

ROCHESTER, N.Y.  — A local man objected to presumptions about his age after being called a “Disney Adult,” sources familiar with the situation have confirmed.

“‘Adult’ means grown-up, and grown-ups are mommies and daddies,” said a giggling Adam Wall, 35, as he sat in his highchair kicking his legs back and forth. “I’m not a daddy yet! I’m just a Disney baby! Maybe I’ll go to Never Never Land and live with Peter Pan and play games and fight pirates and be a little boy forever!”

Wall’s parents have grown increasingly distressed with his juvenile behavior.

“I know the housing and rental markets aren’t great, and we said he could stay with us as long as he wanted, but it’s becoming such a burden,” said Wall’s mother Janet, who added that she had hoped to retire three years ago. “Travel and accommodations for our tri-annual Disney World trips are just so expensive. I’d be thrilled if he would find a job, or even just a hobby besides this Disney stuff. Maybe then he could meet a nice girl who’s way too into Star Wars or something and they could settle down together.”

Mental health experts report that Wall’s case is not an isolated incident.

“The number of Disney adults displaying age dysmorphia has more than doubled in the last decade,” said Carole Goodwin, LMHC and doctoral candidate at the University of Central Florida. “Some of the individuals affected have children of their own and express the disorder by proxy, forcing them to wear Mickey Mouse onesies and only allowing them to watch classic Walt Disney animated movies. It’s a tragic, debilitating condition. We pushed for it to be included in the latest revision of the DSM V, but the chair is apparently close with Bob Iger.”

At press time, Wall was seen throwing a tantrum when his parents asked him to contribute to the Disney+ subscription after the price increases in October.