TOKYO — Usagi Tsukino, otherwise known by her Sailor Scout identity Sailor Moon, was rushed to the hospital this week after embarrassing herself in front of her love interest, causing 80% of her bodily fluids to drain from her head, manifesting in the form of a single, gigantic blue sweat drop.
“She’s lucky she got here when she did,” explained Tsukino’s nurse, Masami Shoda. “She was nearly unconscious when her friends rushed her to the hospital, barely able to stand up on her own in the waiting room. I knew right away when I looked at her that she had clearly just embarrassed herself in front of her crush.”
Tsukino’s love interest, the mysterious Mamoru Chiba, stopped by momentarily to check up on her.
“I’m glad she’s doing all right,” said Chiba. “She just tripped and fell when trying to give me a boxed lunch that she said she especially made just for me, and couldn’t handle the aftermath I guess, even though I told her it was really no big deal. Anyhow, if you’ll excuse me, I have to leave right now. I need to pretend to help someone who is in distress.”
After being hooked up to an IV bag filled with fluids for over an hour, Tsukino reportedly started to come to.
“Where am I…?” groggily asked Tsukino. “Why am I in the hospital? Did something happen– oh no, don’t tell me. Did I embarrass myself in front of Mamo again? Oh my gosh, why am I so clumsy?! Oh no, tears won’t stop streaming down my face and I… feel kind of woozy…”
At press time, several teenage boys were also rushed to the local hospital after suffering severe blood loss upon becoming aroused at the sight of a woman changing her clothes.