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Amazon Promises Fallout Show Will Crash Twice Per Episode

CULVER CITY, Calif. — Head of Amazon Studios Jennifer Salke promised today that the upcoming series based on popular gaming franchise Fallout will crash twice per episode to give fans of the games an authentic experience.

“We want a 99% chance for this show to be a hit, which as you may know, is basically guaranteed to be a failure,” Salke said. “That’s why each episode will freeze or feature sudden unprompted deaths and visual glitches that allow viewers to see through the actors’ flesh, revealing the haunting polygonal vacuum within. We’re even toying with having the show emit mild, non-fatal doses of radiation to produce full immersion, as well as new viewer eyeballs.”

Video game reviewer Viktor Alston responded positively to the presentation, noting that “the show seems to be going the extra mile with its crashes by forgetting where the viewer left off and forcing them to relive huge, often tedious chunks of the show to regain their lost progress. It really feels like Bethesda was hand-crafting this adaptation every step of the way.”

Footage from the show’s trailer featured a jump-suited main character emerging from an underground vault to see a radioactive wasteland swarming with giant insects, with the sequence set to the 1958 hit song “Witch Doctor” by David Seville. As the main character exits the vault, he clips through the dirt beneath him, plummeting forty feet and dying in slow-motion. The trailer then showed a loading screen with tips for restarting one’s router for approximately 45 minutes before resetting at the trailer’s first shot.

“As the main character visits various shitty towns replete with on-the-nose satire about an irrelevant bygone era, they’ll meet and seduce other characters, who will join them on their adventure, often teleporting into elevators or standing in the way of their escape routes and bullet sprays,” Salke explained, prompting a standing ovation. “Honestly, it’s fun as hell.”

Though some attendants to the press event seemed less enthusiastic about the show’s glitches, most admitted that they plan to watch the show for an unhealthy number of hours, obsessing over its shortcomings while being unable to stop watching for even a second.