Press "Enter" to skip to content

Gamer Optometrist Boots Up ‘Cities: Skylines’ Menu to Administer Eye Exam

DES MOINES, Iowa — An optometrist who enjoys gaming in his free time has once again booted up Cities: Skylines to administer an eye exam to a patient, sources have confirmed. 

“Okay, read that text on the bottom left of the screen, about how to place your roads,” said Dr. Pete Worthington to his patient earlier today, administering what has become his standard eye test. “Just read it for as long as you can and tell me when you start to feel a splitting headache.”

The unorthodox examination method proved difficult for the new patient, who struggled through the exam.

“Let’s… start… by… building… some… roads,” said Greg Cortese while squinting at the screen and slowly losing steam. “Say doc, I can’t really read this that well and my whole face is starting to hurt. Is this normal? I feel like I might need more than new glasses at this point. How the hell can anyone read this shit?”

The game’s menu design has been described by those in the healthcare profession as “dumb.”

The eye exam has been administered by Dr. Worthington since the city building simulator’s release in 2015, despite the objections of its creators.

“This is meant to be a building game in the lineage of Sim City and games like that,” said Karoliina Korppoo, a lead designer on Cities: Skylines. “Not a tool used to administer eye exams. You’re only scratching the surface of what this game is capable of. We have over a dozen expansions that have greatly expanded the scale of our already huge game. Please, don’t just write the entire thing off because of its difficult to read text, and for the love of god, stop using it to give people eye exams!”  

As of press time, Dr. Worthington was seen fucking around in Cities: Skylines before he saw his next patient.