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Guy Who Doesn’t Watch DBZ or Play Fortnite Still Somehow Tempted to Buy Goku Skin

NEW YORK — Local man Lennox Cole is reportedly tempted to purchase the Goku skin in Fortnite despite not playing the game or having ever watched any Dragon Ball show, according to those familiar with the situation.

“The thing about Goku is that he is very cool. And I would like to own his likeness in Fortnite, whether I play it or not,” Cole explained. “I don’t really know much about Goku, because I’ve never seen Dragon Ball Z or whatever, but I just know deep down that he is cool. It’s a fact intrinsic to all humans that going super saiyan is an undeniably cool thing — like it’s part of the collective unconscious or that unibrow caveman guy who everyone dreams of, but actually real. And that’s actually a great example, because I dream of Goku often. Maybe he’s God.”

“It’s not weird to buy a skin for a game I don’t play. I don’t play with Funko Pops, but I still buy those,” he added. “I buy a disgusting amount of those.” 

According to those familiar with the situation, Cole’s boyfriend, Paul Tucker, was disappointed with Cole following his purchase of the Goku skin.

“Lennox is so goddamn stingy with his money, usually. I’m not even mad about the Goku skin — which, I think we can all admit, is extremely cool. But the guy hates spending money, he always splits hairs over who bought what when we go out to dinner, and he refuses to ever get me gifts, even for my birthday,” Tucker said. “Maybe if he played Fortnite, it would be one thing, because we could play together. Hell, maybe if he liked Dragon Ball, I’d accept that! But it feels a little bit like a slap in the face that he got the skin. Even though, like I said, I do agree that it is very very cool. I saw a clip where Goku kills Superman with a red lightsaber! How nutty is that?”

At press time, Cole was reportedly running around his apartment yelling “kamehameha,” but pronouncing it “came hame hay,” having only ever read the word online.