VINITA, Okla. — A superstitious couple trying to get pregnant have reportedly brought a controller into the bedroom so that they can hold B during climaxes in an attempt to increase the odds of fertility, horrified sources close to them have confirmed.
“Oh man, why would they try that, and why would they be telling us about this?” asked Anthony Plotch, a friend of the couple. “First of all, that doesn’t work, that’s just an old Pokémon myth everyone believed was true at some point in their lives. It didn’t actually even increase your chances of catching the Pokémon! I mean, come on. Wouldn’t it be commonly passed around information if that was all you had to do to grow your family? Let’s get real. Also, why would just pressing some button have some sort of bearing on what happens inside their genitals? These two are the true Game Freaks.”
“What they should be trying to do is the cloning glitch,” Plotch said. “That shit worked for real.”
Despite the pleas from friends and family members, the couple has insisted that they will continue the practice.
“Okay, we don’t know if it works, but nobody is saying it hurts our chances,” said Jason Carter, of he and wife Ruth’s lovemaking ritual which includes bringing a vintage Game Boy into the action so that one or both are able to hold the B button down whilst the unprotected sex act is culminated. “We both just grew up thinking that was the way it’s done, so that’s the way we’re gonna do it. You don’t see me telling people how to get pregnant or use their Game Boys, so maybe get off of my case.”
At press time, the couple was reportedly scared after using a series of glitches to try to improve the chances of pregnancy due to the possibility of birthing Missingno.