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CDC Puts Temporary Ban on Playing Assassin’s Creed II

WASHINGTON — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has placed a temporary ban on playing the game Assassin’s Creed II during the coronavirus outbreak as a result of the game taking place in Italy.

“We don’t want anyone to panic or make assumptions about the state of the coronavirus outbreak,” said Robert R. Redfield, Director of the CDC. “We are just emphasising that you should seek medical attention if you have a fever, you should not touch your face, you should wash your hands for longer than six seconds, and you should absolutely not, not matter what, run through the streets of Florence in the 2009 action adventure game Assassin’s Creed II.”

“We greatly understand the importance of seeking ancestral vengeance, but until we figure out exactly how to combat this deadly virus, gamers and non-gamers alike must not make any contact with Ezio Auditore da Firenze,” Redfield continued. “Young Ezio or Old Ezio, it doesn’t matter — there is a very good chance he has contracted the coronavirus and can get you sick. Even through a video game.”

At press time, the CDC released a warning to also avoid the 2003 Mark Wahlberg vehicle The Italian Job too, just for good measure.

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