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An Open Letter to Hideo Kojima: Please, PLEASE Start a Letterboxd Account

Dear Mr. Hideo Kojima,

I have just finished listening to the second episode of your Spotify original podcast, Hideo Kojima presents BRAIN STRUCTURE, titled “Hideo Kojima on Film ‘NOPE.’” Early on in the episode, you self-quote your current Twitter bio, which reads “70% of my body is made of movies.” In fact, on the podcast, you remark that the majority of your Twitter posts are simply reflections on movies that you’ve recently watched, regardless of whether you find them good or bad. Sharing your unbiased (yet consistently tasteful) movie-viewing habits with the world through social media is, by all accounts, a public good — however, sir, I fear that you may not be aware that there is a different social media platform entirely dedicated to film enthusiasm that you have been missing out on; it was all I could do to immediately rush to my computer, open up a new word document, and write this urgent open letter (open letterboxd?) to invite you to join said platform, which is sorely lacking your presence.

So, formally, on behalf of all your fans and fellow cinephiles alike, and with God and Geoff Keighley as my witnesses, I must now formally implore you, Mr. Kojima, sir: please, please, start a Letterboxd account.

Hideo Kojima’s Twitter bio, which certainly conveys his love of film, but not as much as an official Letterboxd account would.

If you’re not familiar with Letterboxd, sir, it’s a website built in 2011 by a small, independent team of movie lovers based out of Auckland, New Zealand. It’s understandable if you overlooked the site at the time of its initial launch, especially since 2011 was when you were promoted to Executive Vice President and Corporate Officer at Konami Digital Entertainment. I imagine you had a lot going on throughout that year, and you were probably already exhausted after having just recently completed Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, but I hope you were still able to enjoy some of the movies that were being released at that time — especially Fast Five, which I highly recommend.

You should also know, however, Mr. Director, that this is not just a friendly invitation, but a grim warning of the risk you expose yourself to each day by not being on Letterboxd. Even as I write this, usurpers to your throne are scurrying about, building up the presence of their own illegitimate Kojima fan accounts and Kojima movie watchlists, which in my mind is tantamount to basically stealing from you.

Cursory search results for “Hideo Kojima” on Letterboxd, which disappointingly only returns false accounts run by impostors devoid of any honor.

Do you see how these fakers carry on, clearly hoping that no one will ever tip you off to the existence of Letterboxd so they can continue profiting off of your generous, selfless movie tweets? That’s where I come in, writing to you here as humbly as I can, urging you to consider taking a few moments out of your day to go through the site’s signup process and start logging your reviews there directly. I’m sure you’ll have fun once you get started and become comfortable with the user interface and social mechanics. There’s even a five-star rating system, just like in Death Stranding! (No throwing piss or shit grenades, though, but firing off a one-star hate review feels just as satisfying.)

Ultimately, although joining is your decision alone, it is my belief that the correct choice is quite clear: Hideo Kojima should absolutely become a member of Letterboxd. It just makes plain sense. But even if you don’t make a decision right now, I’m confident that one day you will cross the threshold of Hollywood and direct or produce a feature film of your very own — perhaps it will be the mythical Metal Gear Solid movie, or perhaps it will be a nationwide theatrical release of a professional Death Stranding longplay. Only time will tell, but one thing is for certain: whenever such time comes to pass, someone as terminally online as yourself will certainly end up scrolling Letterboxd in search of validating reviews to embrace, and critical reviews to reject. When that happens, you’ll find my five-star review among them, with a polite comment attached humbly inviting you to send me a friend request.

Sincerely,
A Humble Hideo Kojima Fan