FINAL ZONE – Presumed scientist and main antagonist of the “Sonic the Hedgehog” series of games Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik revealed that his Ph.D. was actually in the field of Business Administration, surprised sources report.
“Yeah, I actually got my Ph.D. online from the University of Phoenix while working as a Budget Analyst,” Robotnik said. “I kind of hoped it would help me move up to a senior position in the software company I was working for at the time, but the anger I felt when I was passed up for a promotion by the CEO’s nephew drove me to become the egomaniac I am today. I ended up completing my dissertation on optimization techniques in corporate cash management, but then I got really into machine building and taught myself how to create all these gadgets with videos I found on YouTube.”
Robotnik’s old Supply Chain Management professor Nikolai Maksymanko had expected his student to follow a different path.
“Typically, our graduates pursue careers in fields like consulting or HR management,” Maksymanko noted. “I think this might be the first case I’ve observed of an alumnus going completely mad for power and obsessing over taking control of the entire world. What is it he said he wanted to create? The ‘Eggman Empire’? Yeah, I don’t think we’ll be inviting him to speak at a commencement ceremony anytime soon.”
Game protagonist and Robotnik’s sworn enemy Sonic the Hedgehog was taken aback by the revelation.
“I guess I just naturally assumed that his Ph.D. was in Mechanical Engineering from somewhere like MIT or Stanford,” Sonic admitted. “I mean, look at this. He’s built these gigantic cylinders that are timed to retract in and out of the walls and ceilings, and I’ve already seen him in that weird flying sphere he built. I wouldn’t be able to do that. I guess the fact that he taught himself how to build these things just serves as further proof of how much of a ripoff college is.”
At press time, Robotnik had decided to return to school and earn a second Ph.D. in Linguistics.
