MUSHROOM KINGDOM — An all-too common argument erupted during one of Mario’s famous parties on Wednesday, though this time it had nothing to do with someone being bullied in a minigame. The row started when Luigi Mario objected to the number of coins taken from him when his roll landed him on a Bowser space.
“He charge-a me eight coins just for walking by him, but not two minutes earlier, Toad only had to pay six coins,” said the plumber from Brooklyn, New York, “I know-a what this is. This is because-a we’re Italian!”
King Bowser, monarch of the Koopa Kingdom didn’t deny the discrepancy in the two charges, but denied it had anything to do with heritage.
“He’s Italian? I never would have guessed,” said the shakedown tyrant, rolling his eyes, “look, it’s not personal, it’s just business. America started charging tariffs on imported goods and that affects my bottom line. Bob-ombs, floating platforms, minion costs – I gotta make up the difference somewhere. Luigi is from Brooklyn, it’s just a reciprocal tariff and I think a 33% increase is fair. If he doesn’t like it he should be mad at Wario for voting that guy in.”
Bowser’s explanation didn’t convince Mario Mario, brother of Luigi and host of the event. He argued that Mario Party is held in the Mushroom Kingdom, not America.
“It’s-a my party!” Mario shouted, before regaining his composure, “I never invited Bowser to extort coins and stars from my guests in the first place, but now he’s charging me and Luigi more just for being from America. I don’t know if I can afford to keep hosting these events. Coins don’t grow-a on trees, you know?”
At press time, attendees were unavailable for further comment after another guest pointed out that coins in the kingdom commonly float above trees, sparking another argument.
